Some days my life feels empty, others chaotic and as if I never have enough time to rest. It's not cabin fever, how could it be? I just went to Salt Lake City via car, had a glorious holiday and napped aplenty. I came back empty, exhausted, and in dire need of what I think of as "responsibility triage" and lots of rest. Hard to do both, as we all know. Slowly but surely, I am making progress with OHP, SSDI, TriMet, and all the rest. With almost no money or energy at all, this is not an easy endeavor.

The more research on Lisfranc I do, the more concerned I become. Knowing that some people end up amputating blew my mind, I must admit. Like most people unfamiliar with this injury, I thought of it as much the same as any other foot injury- just a broken bone. Initially, I couldn't understand why my pain was so extreme, even though my background affords me plenty of examples for comparison. It took a few days to remember just how extreme the fusion pain of my spinal surgery was, how it affected everything about me. Pain at high levels can be both exhausting and transformative; certainly I believe it to significantly alter my thoughts. Intrusive thoughts, persistent and often unpleasant, become more frequent, and I fight those with what energy remains after managing my response to the pain. I work most diligently on giving the same weight to the good things in my life as I do these concerns, knowing from past experience that it is too easy to become completely bogged down. Nothing here is hopeless, nor am I helpless. I am not without my resources, nor my solid sense of (admittedly dark) humor.